Be Leigh
Primary Outdoor Sports: Ironman Triathlons, Swimming, Biking, & Running
Go-To Training Snack: GU Goos
Favorite Beverage: Mezcal Margarita
Sunrise or Sunset: Sunrise
Favorite Subject in School: Writing
Guilty Pleasure: Reality TV
Book Recommendation: Waking the Tiger
Three Words to Describe You: Curious, Introspective, Playful
“In high school, I was a swimmer and a track athlete. I was a really competitive athlete. One, I put it on myself, but my family was competitive. We had the All-state track team so there was a lot of just pressure. I threw discus and javelin and did a couple different events, but I would always remember breaking down because I didn’t like the competition. I enjoyed the sport. It was fun. Who doesn’t love to throw spears and discs in the air and see how far they can go? But, then they put a timer on it and there were points involved.
I realized that part of it for me when I got into competitive ocean water swimming was that it’s just me out there and I don’t know anyone else. I’m just beating myself and my times. It just so happened that I was really good at it.”
“When I was 16, one of my older brothers passed away from an overdose and it was a hard time for the family. I moved out with my mom for a bit. We moved away from my dad because grief rattles a family. You don’t know how to deal with that until you’re dealing with it. There’s just no handbook for that stuff.
When we moved out, I was in high school supporting my mom on a lot of emotional levels. I was neglecting a part of me that was like, ‘Oh, my brother died.’ No one knew my older brother at school because he was older and living in New Jersey. So it was like there was this barrier between me and the world. No one really said anything to me. No one knew about it. So I felt private. I felt shame. He overdosed. There was that stigma.
That summer, I started training for triathlons because sports were over. I was like, ‘I just need to keep going. I need to keep moving.’ I needed something to put my mind and attention on. And, it was great for that in the way of a 16/17 year old brain. It was a really good distraction. But, then also being a 16/17 year old female, I was like, ‘ If I stop eating, I can also numb the emotions that are still coming through amid the physical exhaustion and that carried on into college.
I went to NYU and studied a lot of somatic psychology. I was practicing yoga at the time and really thought I was doing yoga. But really, I was taking two hot classes a day, I wasn’t eating, and I was training for triathlons.
I ended up fracturing my femur bone from a tumor that had grown because I had been so numb to my body that I had torn my MCL and had no idea. Where it was trying to heal, the pressure caused my femur to fracture. That was the moment where so much happened.
I really dropped into a real yoga practice and philosophy and got deeper into a spiritual practice. I started to cultivate a meditation practice and got more into Buddhism. It took me a couple years to get to a place where I could in a healthy way get back into endurance sports.
When I did, I realized endurance sports are definitely for trauma survivors and moving through emotions and grief. It can actually be done in a beautiful way. There are days where I’m on my bike and I’m thinking about my brother. It’s like you can move with it. You’re not only able to do something you love, but you’re processing it, and you’re healing it. You’re then able to show up far more vulnerable with everyone around you.
When I was a younger athlete, I definitely wasn’t doing sports to process. I was doing sports to dissociate. For me now, I train a lot, but I have a lot I’m moving through. That’s probably going to continue until the day I die. But, I hope to keep processing it all and feeling it rather than becoming numb. Because I don’t think we’re here to do that.”
“I think what’s different is having a practice of just feeling and being connected to my body. For so many years, I wasn’t connected to my body and that shows up in so many ways. It’s like, ‘When I’m hungry, what am I actually hungry for?’ Now, I’m in a training period where I don’t have as strict of a regimen so it’s like, ‘Do I want to bike today or will swimming feel good?’ And, it's having those honest check in moments with what will actually feel good in my body. Sometimes it’s a run. Sometimes it’s a bike. I’m finally able, 34 years in, able to be like, ‘Ok, you know what? Today, I just actually need to sit in the bathtub and do nothing.’ Cultivating a rest day has been the hardest part. But, I think it’s also using that as motivation to just keep going because it’s like I have a physical body and I’m so lucky and blessed and privileged to have one. I want to use it. I want to hand my body in on my last day and be like, ‘Sorry. It’s got holes in it, but it was worn and loved.’”
“If stuff is going on in life, I’m going to get on my bike and bike for 60 miles.” And it’s just me and nature and I’m gonna make my way back and after those 60 miles I’m going to have a clear perspective or a more real perspective of my views on whatever is happening or at least my emotions are gonna be able to settle in and clear up.
It’s that process for me and all the layers that shed through endurance sports and the levels of fatigue that come up when you’re at your weakest point. Because at the end of the day, if you’re crying on your bike it’s not about the bike. Something else is coming up and that’s very real. I've processed so much through being outside and moving and feeling my heartbeat in my chest and breathing the air around me.”
“I think that is what keeps me in it as well because, I’m never thinking, ‘I want to beat that person.’ That’s just not what fuels me, beating other people. I don’t get off on that. I like to see how far I can push myself. I like to get through to those mental stages where it’s like, ‘I don’t know if I can get through this. This sucks.’ Every thought comes up in your head, every insecurity, because you’re at your weakest. You are at your most vulnerable when you’re tired and exhausted.”
“It’s such an opportunity of growth. Like, ‘Can I do this really hard thing?’ That’s awesome, but like, ‘Can I do this really hard thing and still show up for the people around me and show up as a really kind, caring human?’ Because if I can’t do that like, ‘Screw triathlons.’ I will give it up tomorrow because I want to be a good human and that involves how I show up for myself and how I show up for my partner and the kids.”
“I’m a better human when I’m outside. I don’t know if this is a little esoteric, but being indoors you feel like you’re in a physical box and I think it makes you feel small in ways. I think it attaches you to ego and just the physical body and the material world. Where, when you’re outside and there’s no ceiling, how can you deny that there’s not something more than just what’s going on in between our ears? Looking at mountains. Watching birds fly over us. I need that connection to something bigger than me. I’m meant to feel connected to whatever’s out there in the sky and consciousness, but my work here is in getting dirty and being on the earth and having the experiences I’m having.”
“I really just like simple pleasures. It’s so silly, but give me a good sunset or sunrise and I’m a kid, just that simple joy feeling. As people, we all need more of that. We need to get back to the things that matter because so much that is in the world in which we exist actually doesn’t matter.”
“Be willing to be uncomfortable. Whether that’s having the hard conversations or being vulnerable with those you know, even with strangers. Find ways to connect more closely and deeply to the parts of yourself that you haven’t necessarily met or seen reflected in the mirror. That way you can then see everyone else in a deeper, more clear lens. Because, whatever we see on the outside is never actually a good reflection of what a human is going through.
I think the outdoors and sports and movement is definitely one of those ways to get uncomfortable, be vulnerable, put yourself in situations that test your limits. But, there’s so many ways that you can allow yourself to be uncomfortable. If something makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself, ‘Why?’ Because it has more to do with you than it does someone else.
No one goes hiking and is walking on the trail and looks at the trail and is like, ‘That’s a dumb tree or a stupid tree.’ But, how often do we do that in our brains about something? And, how quick are we to judge other people or places? Explore every trail and appreciate every speck of beauty because there’s an infinite amount of it.”
